I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
