I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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