So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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