I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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