we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So many bounce houses so little time
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
