I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
