I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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