I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
