her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
