A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize