I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
