You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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