This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
