just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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