You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
