He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
