We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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