While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
