That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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