love makes seman taste better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
