How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
