so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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