I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
