Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
