I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize