i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
