That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
