My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
