I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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