Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
