Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
