i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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