I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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