whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
