I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
