It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
