She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
