take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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