So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
