I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
