Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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