Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
