just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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