Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
