Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
