Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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