These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
