I feel like abortions should bother me more
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
