I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
