Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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