I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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