also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
