Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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