If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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