Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize