If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
