Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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