Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
