When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
