Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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