I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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