Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
