just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
