He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
smell my finger.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
