this beer tastes like vomit already
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I supernannyed him into submission
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
