he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize