I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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