i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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