So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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