Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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