BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
