Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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