look no pants
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
