I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
