and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize