Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
